Published November 27, 2009
I tip the bottle to my lips
I stare at the picture on the bed
I say I will only take a couple sips
Its like they shot my veins with lead
My heart is aching
My life is breaking
I wrote the letter
With every quote
I just wish they would come
I through the bottle to the floor
I take the match from beside the door
I strike a spark
The flames spread throughout the room
I take another sip
As I glance at that picture
And walk out the door
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
142,253 Literary Works • 677,087 Reviews
This is a very good poem! I loved it!
FIRST OFF: Read my sig please.
==============
It would be more dramatic if you made it "on my bed"
This one seems too long. Try "I say I'll take a few sips"
correct spelling is "lead"
"Threw" and "on" are the words you're looking for. It should look like this
"I threw the bottle on the floor"
Omit "from"
I found this too wordy. Try "The flames spread throughout the room"
Over all:
Not bad really. I only wonder why the title's called "My weakness". Is it because the weakness was the picture and you wanted to destroy your weakness?